5 Things Only People Who Tried And Failed To Save Their Father From Drowning Will Understand

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1.  You will never forget that awful day.

You can try to forget. You can shut yourself off from memories and you can try killing memories with alcohol, but it never leaves you.

2.  Every dream is the same.  There is only one nightmare.

When people at work talk about that crazy dream they had last night, you envy them. You’d sell pieces of your soul and your mind to be able to sleep again.

3. Guilt leads to fear, and fear is your closest friend.

No one understands you. They say they do, and they think they do, but the only thing that feels familiar is sickening, crippling fear. And it’s always there.

4. If you only had five more minutes. Just one more minute. If you’d only been stronger, but you were only a kid for Chrissake.

No one ever says it out loud, but you know they’re thinking, “If he’d been a man, a real man, he could have saved him.” But you weren’t, and you didn’t.

5. Shame and guilt are a spiral you’ll never escape from.

This is your life and it will always be this way. You know deep down you deserve to feel bad, because it’s all your fault.

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